mumfoalandsons:

one time in 8th grade math class, my asshole teacher who didn’t like me goes “erin goes to the store to buy a new personality because hers sucks, the one she wants is-” and i cut him off and said “i wanted the asshole personality, but you took the last one”

he never bothered me again

(via itsalreadystarted)

kyleehenke:

When my brother goes to fast food places and they ask for a name to put the order under he tells them “dad” and then you have a fast food guy holding a tray of food yelling for dad

(via spoken-not-written)

asktoothless:

dragonwriter315:

asktoothless:

I’m not saying I want to be a dragon.

but if the opportunity came up to have wings and a tail implanted along with the ability to breathe fire, I’d take it.

Would there be a waiting list for this procedure?

The waiting list is made up of all the notes on this post in order so reblog quickly and save your spot in line.

(via itsalreadystarted)

  • *Wakes up in the middle of the night*
  • Me: Please don't be 6am
  • *1;48am*
  • Me: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!
  • *Shoves face back into pillow*

(via paranoid)

esm398:

jakebumlick:

pika-brew:

pika-brew:

My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.

The guy said sure.

So we decided to leave a nice little note
image

image

and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!

image

oMGGGG

image

pizza cares

Pizza understands

(via and-whatt)

vikingsrph:

I AM ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN

I AM ALLOWED TO CRY OVER SIMPLE THINGS

I AM FULLY AWARE THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS TOO AND THEY ARE PROBABLY WORSE OFF THAN I AM

DO NOT REMIND ME OF THAT WHEN I AM UPSET

MY FEELINGS ARE VALID

I AM ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN

WHAT IS SIMPLE TO YOU COULD BE STRESSFUL TO ME

STOP TELLING ME TO THINK ABOUT PEOPLE THAT HAVE IT WORSE

STOP STOP STOP

(via earlymorningwhispers)

(via worldfav)